Hell Chyeah…Self Gratification…. I’m All For It!


I want no mistake on my take on self-pleasuring or the act of masturbating for sexual release. It’s a healthy way to learn your body and a great way to relieve stress. My sister once asked me what I thought was a normal amount of masturbating in one day. I suggested ten times. However after talking to my dear friend Sascha. He said women can masturbate innumerous times whereas males could only do a small handful of times in one day. i.e. 200 for the females to 20 for the males.  I think 200 is a tad bit on the crazy side of self-gratification but hell if you have an itch gotta get it scratched.

Now we’ll get into the quote “Research Area.”

I come from a time back when the Divinyls belted out I Touch Myself! 

I’m amazed and intrigued by the  creative ways people masturbate. Yes. I searched youtube. Sometimes when you’re writing a story you have to do that. Let me get to the top ten list for both females and Males


  1. Pillow Humping and or Couch Humping. – Friction feels great but come on who in their right mind wants an Indian rug burn on their clit?
  2. Water Float- Shaped in a dolphin or a lounger.- I fail to get this one.
  3. Balloon Popping- Are you fricking serious? A popped balloon hurts when it pops in your palm right? In no way would I ever rub on a balloon over my hoohaaa and pop it with a pin. Whatever floats their boat.
  4. Bullet’s- I’m all for the mini bullet. You can pop it in your purse, you can even pop it in your glove box. A perfect way to have a quick ‘O’ should the need arise.
  5. Hand action- Takes longer but is more effective for sensatory purposes.
  6. An array of vibrators of all shapes and sizes- Variety is key!
  7. Summer Sausage, Cucumbers and Banana’s- SS is nice and thick. Cucumbers have the feel of the old day dildo’s made of smooth wood and oiled with olive oil. The first sexual lubricant as well as medicinal lubricant. Bananna’s they get mushy.
  8. Beer Bottles and Wine Bottles- I fail to find the need for the glass bottles unless one is trying to stretch for other purposes such as fisting.
  9. Stick Shift – Sexy but not exactly comfortable.
  10.  Hood Piercing- Nice way of having continual orgasms while walking but caution. Months later the clit is desensitized and the piercing becomes a pretty ornament to just look at.


  1. Fruit- Hollowed out melon. Messy but interesting to watch.
  2. Hand.
  3. Flesh Light and or pocket pussies, pussy in a can.
  4. Self Cock Sucking- For those contorting males or males with monster cocks.
  5. Poster Tube
  6. PVC Pipe Tube
  7. Pillow Humping or sheet humping- They don’t risk getting Indian rug burns like females.
  8. Water Masturbation
  9. Kitchen Chair and or Holes in the Walls i.e. other types of furniture.
  10. Electro stimulation.
    1. Razor attached to engorged cock by female ponytail bands.
    2. Bullet or Vibrator attached by female ponytail bands.
    3. Home-made vibrator attachments- would make me uneasy
    4. Electric device made for males by use of wires and electrodes and or Electric Spin Tooth Brush and various dental hygiene head attachments- By running the head of TB over the Frenulum in circular motions.

Men and women may have different methods but the end result is the same. I have to give men kudos for being more creative. I had a very interesting time seeing all of these put into action on line. I can’t wait to see what new way may come up!


About mahalia2010

Mother, Sister, Friend, Author

Posted on September 20, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. cute post. I’m on the road a lot with my beer company and have learned the value of an I phone 4 set to vibrate. truckers love me.

  2. Good gosh! Some of those just sound painful! Interesting post Hales.

  3. @Liz, there’s an app for that.

  4. I’ve learned a few things today! lol Very interesting post!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: