Learning to Let Go
How hard is it to let go? Whether in your personal life with your children, family or friends? How does it differ from letting your characters go?
Growth is an important factor in life and in writing. I’ve found similarities between how I choose to interact with family, parent, and how I let my characters mold themselves in their story. It’s funny you know, their story? How is it theirs when I’m writing them? Well I’ve found that when I try to force my hand or make the story go how I want it, it seizes and comes to an abrupt halt. Even when the characters I’ve come to love…and hate at times…go through hell, I can’t just yank them back because I want to save them from grief.
Life has to play out and just like in real life it must happen in the story. Letting go though is harder than one can imagine. At times I wonder if it’s the mother in me, or if it’s the female need to nurture characteristic.
In any event once the full story is out, just like watching one of my children succeed, I feel the same emotion and it’s a great feeling.
Musings for the Month.
When you’re writing, or even in real life. Is it about you or what’s best for your characters or loved ones.
My daughter is starting a new chapter in her life at fifteen. My musings come from mixed comments over my permission for her to go spend the last four years of her young adult life with her father. Permission, she’s as much his as she is mine. Somehow it leads to justification… And I find myself thinking, what is there to justify? Do the needs of a daughter and father come before selfishness or is it selfless of me to share her? For 15 years her father has been over seas the last seven in Iraq and living when time permitted over coms, email and snail mail. Now that he’s home in the states why would anyone presume to think it wrong for her to go? It’s been an interesting journey of friends and family members who have conflicted opinions. But in the end it’s not about me or him but about her. Just her and her needs. Nothing else matters.
So as I sat at the airport this morning, no tears just big hugs I thought…I hope she has a grand time, and that she doesn’t get lost in the bigger airport. She boarded the plane like a young adult and even with her layover found her gate alone.
Letting go also means to know that when they grow up they can handle transitions alone w/o aide. The phone call I received did wonders for me. I could hear the elation in her voice. She was worried she ‘d get lost in the big airport and mess up. So there is a lesson in everything it seems.
Letting go isn’t as easy as it seems but it is definitely a huge part of the ability to adapt to change.
Now if I can transpose those thoughts to writing, it’ll be much easier than the warring in my head with the hero’s!